Childhood Dreams.

I have decided that I will write some posts about things that have in many ways have changed my life. It will not be in sequence but just when memories come up.

When I was a small child I went on walks by myself to get away from my mother. As far as I know no one knew where I was or cared for that matter. Many years later I wrote a small story of my favourite place in the country.This is what I wrote.

My favourite spot in the country is the Lower Horse Paddock. I cannot remember when I first discovered it,somehow it has always just been there.

As a child I wandered along its creek, slaying dragons, finding cubbyholes in the reeds, looking at the moss growing, the tadpoles swimming turning into frogs, or just sitting quietly listening to the water running over the rocks or lying under the willow trees watching the mountain lowrys and rosellas winging and quarreling their way in the branches. At night I use to dream I was flying with them.

I took all my worries and joys to the Lower Horse Paddock and always came away in peace and tranquility.

At 12 years of age I went to boarding school and then holidays always seemed busy with visitors, or going here and there and I rarely went to my area. But then at 17 years of age while waiting to commence my nursing career, I had time to spare for those few months. I again wandered wandered alone, talked to the trees and the birds, tasted the blackberries and was refreshed by the cool waters of the stream.

Although I only live about six kilometers away and pass the Lower Horse Paddock about twice a week ( the highway has changed and is very close by) I have not walked along the creek since I was 17.

But now each morning I sit quietly with my eyes closed, rid my mind of all the muddle that accumulates there and again I fly with the mountain lowrys, hear the rippling of the creek, find my peace and tranquility and commune again with a greater power.

This was written in 1993 and 2 years ago I went back to the area and talked to the person that now owns the property where I grew up. The creek in the Lower Horse Paddock now only runs when it rains and all the tee trees, silky oaks and wattles are no longer present. The area looks dry and there is nothing there even to attract any small child.

In less than a lifetime a whole ecosystem can be destroyed.


I could have used many headings to begin this blog, some of them are used as headings on the blog.

When did I get old?

It occurred a lot earlier than I admitted to myself. Instead of as the saying goes, grow old gracefully, I grew old kicking and screaming. It is probably because I rejected growing older because I had seen the restrictions of old age in other people and did not want to be like they were.

If I had realized my capabilities would deteriorated after I turned seventy, I do not think I would have moved to Queensland. I am not sorry that I did as the amount I have learnt from Jesus and Mary and the love I have been surrounded with is unbelievable.

I have gained so much knowledge and am surrounded by loving people living at Wilkesdale. Not all of it has been easy by any means my life and many things I believed in needed to change and still do need to change. I have been told of my emotional injuries and like many of you rebel frequently by not wanting processing through them. I say to myself how many times do I need to go to this injury before it goes away. The answer comes back straight away, until it is no longer there.

It sounds silly to say that I do not remember growing old. I woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and said to myself you are old, how did that happen? It just creeped up on me.

I should have realized that I had grown old as the kind people around me would say, I will carry that for you, or point out a danger ahead. I also so should have realized as I could not do the things I use to do. I also was getting tired easily.

It is all denial not wanting to know.

I have always physically worked and although had a computer to do the BAS, business activity statement, for income purpose, I did nothing else on the computer.I did not even have an email address. I feel ashamed I did not have the desire to educate myself, not just on the computer but many other things that could be useful for God’s Way Ltd. I also got all my worth by doing things from physical work and seeing the result.Most of this was improvements on the properties that I owned. Not all the improvements I did were beneficial to the land such as using round up and destroying native pasture. Some of the good things I did was planting native trees and repairing soil erosion. There is grief to feel through.

Body Shape

You have experienced your body shale changing at different times during your life. It will also change when you turn 70 years of age. My Aunt told me when I turned 70 years old I would get a pot belly, the morning I turned 70 years of age I felt my tummy and it was exactly the same. But now I do have a pot belly. I have also shrunk in height.

Why am I still alive.

I often wonder this. I am the only one in my family still alive.I do not expect my parents to be still alive but why have I lost one sister and two brothers. I do have two nephews that spent much time with me when they were young. I speak to one of them frequently, they both live in NSW so see them very infrequently. It is a comfort to know that all of you are my brothers and sisters.

What happens to you physically when you get old. I do not know what it would be like if I had worked through my emotional injuries. This is what it is like the way I am now.

Prescription Drugs.

If you go and see a doctor these days you never leave until you are offered a number of drugs for many ailments the doctor thinks you have. These days there seams to be a drug for every ailment, even a sore toe. The drug companies instruct the doctors what drugs to subscribe for any ailment you have.

There are many people now addicted to painkillers. I find it interesting how they are called painkillers because that is what many of these drugs do,they kill people. Drugs keep people alive when they could be happier in the spirit world. Why are many people afraid to die?

I know some drugs do help you to survive some illness and relieve the the condition of others. I believe they help while you can work on the emotional injury that is causing the illness. At the moment I am taking a blood thinner so that blood can pass through the valves of the heart more easily But I have refused all other medication that was recommended .


When we get older more illnesses become evident. I have been wondering why, it has to be a build up of our emotional injuries that we have not released.

Although I have illness through my life,some life threatening, they have all gone away. I have had Atrial Fibrillation since 2007, well before I knew anything about Divine Truth. It began suddenly and was very frightening, I called the ambulance, went to hospital and was there for a week being pumped with drugs which did not help, then had a cardio-version where a defibrillator was used to stop the heart and then restart it. I use to go into AF every now and again, it is now permanent and has been for a few years. I need to work through my fear and grief mainly of childhood although there is also grief and fear throughout my life. If I don’t work through my emotional injuries I imagine the heart will just stop.

Jesus has said it is easier to work through our emotional injuries now than in the spirit world. I have a lot of work to do.

Aches and Pains.

I do not think they get much worse the older you become but they do take longer to go away.I think a lot depends on what type of things you are doing.I know being on the computer for a time my shoulders become stiff and now physical working because I am not doing it all the time. As I am not as steady on my feet I can run into things, especially if I am rushing. Balance sometimes is also a problem. Your reflexes are also getting slower and slower. I have also found that if I do not take a magnesium tablet every night I get cramps in my legs.

Tiredness and Slowing Down.

I an often still tied when I wake up in the morning. I need a rest if I do some physically work,two hours of physical work is plenty. If sorting seeds or collecting same I usually rest after lunch or whenever I complete what I am doing. I can see the older I get the less I will be able to do. For some reason this makes me feel guilty and useless,no one feels this about me. More things to feel about and why I feel this way.


A quote in the poem For the Fallen by Laurence Binyon. They shall not grow old as we that are left grow old Age shall not weary them nor the years condemn.

Weary is a word that is not used much anymore but it is very apt for the way I sometimes feel.

When I was younger it was like this I must have ,that I cannot do without and sometimes it was just something I wished to achieve. I went out and achieved what I wanted. Many times it was much work and time taken to get what I wanted,some were great and others were not so great. Now I have not got the desire or need for things, the only want I have is a true relationship with God.

Mental Awareness.

I find that in conversation with others I often pause a little before answering especially if in a group or often I just let others talk even if I wish to say something. I don’t think I have always been like this. Maybe this is because most of the people I mix with are younger than I am and have different ideas and feelings. I also find that I forget things , that happens if I am tied and I am often tied. Concentration, I often find in a group of people drifting away in thought and need to be alert to this as I often miss important things.

Anxiety and worry.

This is more pronounced the older I get. I ponder whether I will do something, where before I just did it. I now worry if it was the right thing that I did. I worry that I am going to be late or say the wrong thing. I am not worried about going to the spirit world, it will just show me much about the life I lived on earth and the things I need to rectify.

Through the ages.

Through the ages it is seen that people live for a longer or shorter period. In the bible many live to a great age, 500 years or more .When Adam and Eve came to earth they would have been in the 6th sphere, their life span would have been greater. When people began committing sin their life would have become shorter.

It has been document that the more affluent a Nation is, even a suburb in a city or people living in remote communities have different life spans. The poorer the people are the shorter their life span is.

So there can be many reasons for the life span that we may have.


In my lifetime the happier and more settled I am the less I weigh. I am around the heaviest I have ever been and there is very little muscle it is all fat and fat weighs less than muscle. I find I am eating the same amount of food now as when I was physically working. Many people are the opposite and loose weight when they age. I need to change my eating habitats because the older we become the more nourishing the food needs to be but the amount we eat less.


Often older people are ignored by those others younger than themselves. It is a shame really they could learn many things from listening to older people.


As you age I have found many memories come back of your younger life that you have wiped from your memory, some are good memories and others not. I wonder if it is because it is better to go through our injuries before we go to the spirit world or we have more time to reflect.You have more time as I have found if I get 6 hours sleep it is a good night.

How much older will I get before I Die.

I do not know how much older I will be but I have lived a very interesting and full life and am in some ways am looking forward to the spirit world. There are many friends living there and many things I would like see, learn about and help with. When we do go to the spirit world we cannot help people on earth

I did not intend to write this blog in the way I have, it was meant to be more general and not talk about myself too much. But How could I talk about it if I did not use myself as an example but I now realize if I didn’t I could not write about ageing . Your aging and old age may be completely different to mine.

Enjoy and accept getting older it should be enjoyable and rewarding.


Thoughts and Feelings

The year 2020

While I was having breakfast this morning I watched the news and thought I would like to express some of my private thoughts and feelings about what is happening in the world, mainly Australia.

Being the driest inhabited continent on earth Australia has always had bush fires, this year has been no exception but many began early in Spring and because of the drought, high temperatures and winds they have been uncontrollable.The location the fires were situated in were smallish towns and  bushland, many of the birds would have lost their nests causing the birds not to breed in that season some birds and other wildlife would have also died.

The fires experiencing now are a lot hotter and are creating their own weather pattens yesterday with a vortex of wind flipping over two fire trucks weighing 10-15 tons causing the death of one fire fighter.

There have been deaths of people, pets, livestock and untold native wildlife. Loss of houses, sheds, pasture, bushland and the fires have even crossed into rain forests. There are guesstimates of the number of native wildlife killed but we will never know the exact number, it is believed that some endangered species may now be completely lost.

I found it interesting that end of year celebrations with fire works were celebrated in most capital cities. In the Sydney there was a declared total fire band but the fire works still went ahead while people on the south coast of the state spent the night on the beach as they could not be evacuated by road.

Many people are angry and are projecting their anger at the people trying to protect or help them. Hopefully the anger will soon change into grief.

Most Australians want to own their own house and in those houses they collect their memories and what is classed as their treasures. After the loss of their houses, fear and grief has been felt  it is a good time to reflect on their lives up to this event and see what their treasures, desires and what their priorities are. We do not have to go through some so called disaster to reflect on our lives and to see how to live in love and harmony in God’s Laws.

The majority of fires in Australia are deliberately lit.

In Australia lately there have been many protest marches by adults and children about climate change. The adults have even glued themselves to railings and laid down at intersections disrupting other people going about their daily lives, causing police and ambulance drivers to neglect their other duties and making them work overtime. They are calling on world leaders,  federal, state and local  governments to stop climate change. Many of these adults are angry and the children are frightened, as yet I have not heard them have a solution to the problem.

Each one of us can be world leaders, we do not have to give long speeches, tell others what to do, be angry and blame someone else. How many of us have done environmental work on our own land or in out community, joined groups that plant trees, joined a land care group or helped the council in their work of beautifying the town they live in.

A friend of mine in Uralla in NSW has at the end of her street an area of land that at one stage could have been a nice park, it has become neglected with the dam and other areas on it having rubbish dumped. Megan approached the council and with much talking backwards and forwards the council has remove the rubbish and supply some seats etc this has been agreed upon as Megan and her friends in the street will plant trees, care and look after the park in the future. This is only one very small thing but there will be trees planted where birds can nest, other wildlife visit because there will be clean water for them to drink and the people of Uralla will have a nice place to visit.

The world is being destroyed by us, all of us, plus those that came before us. The difference between before and now is the developed countries demand many more comforts than they did in the past, vast amounts of land is cleared to grow meat, how many households have more then one car, how many people grow their own food, food and goods are carted long distances most people do not know what fruit and vegetables grow in what season. I could write more but maybe it would be good to look at your lifestyle and see how you may help the planet. I know the damage I personally have caused that is why I purchased the dozer, excavator and tractor, this machinery can cause much damage to the land but it can also repair it. This will be some small amount of compensation for the damage I have caused.

Meat production is the cause of the most environmental damage on earth. Just looking at Australia much of the arable land that is used to grow crops on has been now ruined for cropping or there is so much chemicals, fertilisers and water used there is very little goodness left in the grain or food when consumed. This land  is then often used for grazing animals and when cattle and sheep have grazed the land and damaged it more, goats that eat everything even ring  bark the trees killing them are then put on the land. By looking at the countries in the middle east much of their land is now desert. Australia will become the same, unlike the middle east that has been inhabited for many years Australia in a little over 200 years has destroyed vast areas of the country.

God created the earth for us to live, enjoy and have fun on. We humans, the inhabits, are destroying it. In decade of 2020 how much more of the earth will be destroyed.

I wish you a happy and fruitful 2020 on your journey in God’s love and care.





Emotional Processing

I have been listening to Jesus and Mary’s talks on forgiveness and repentance and thought it was about time I began to forgive my mother for the way she treated me.

I am finding that processing emotions can happen in many different ways. Sometimes an emotion comes up and I can begin crying straight away, other times it takes some time or I completely dismiss the emotion. And then like the other night, I awoke in the morning feeling lethargic, uninterested in anything, wandering around a little like a zombie.

The wandering around like a zombie kept up all day. I talked to myself about the feeling, talked to God about the feeling I had and what did it mean. My resistance to feeling what was going on must have been very strong.

After not sleeping very much, at 3.30am, I went into fear. As usual I just went with what ever came up. So I was calling out ,screaming etc. I then went into anger and went with that, walking around the bedroom with my basher hitting pillows, the  bed and the coverings. I became breathless and discovered I was not breathing, stopped till I got my breath back and then went on with the anger. Then at last I began crying.

The thing was I still didn’t feel any better, usually afterwards, going through what happened during the night, I do feel a little better. The emotion that came up when I was crying was what I have been focusing on for some time now, an event in my childhood that was  very painful emotionally.

I said to a friend about not feeling any relief after crying and he said it maybe something in me that was preventing God from being able to help me.

So when I came home I had a good think about what I really felt about the punishment of my mother, both physical when a small child and verbal when older. This is what I found out.

  • I believed, as a child, I deserved the punishment. I had been told from a very early age I was evil and everything bad that happened was my fault. I still believe, emotionally, what she said.
  • I believed that if I took the blame that everything, even if I didn’t know what she was talking about,  was my fault the punishment would not happen. And at times if I said it was my fault, punishment did not happen.
  • I did not want to believe my family was so dysfunctional.
  • I did not want to believe my mother was so cruel and hateful towards me and only me. So I must be to blame.
  • I did not want to believe my mother wanted to kill me.

Emotionally I have been carrying the belief that I was to blame and I had a loving family for 72years. Intellectually I have known for many years but I wanted to believe the lies she told me. Ironically I married someone who also believed that everything was my fault. God is trying to help us all the time by the Law of Attraction, I did not listen.

My mother died when I was 34years of age and I wondered why nothing changed. I now understand.

I now know that God can now help me if I give up my emotional belief systems. I also know if I do not give up my emotional beliefs I will remain in fear of being attacked, I will remain in physical pain, I will remain unhappy and I will never be able to forgive my mother. I will also not get very far with repentance.




Meat production is currently the largest cause of environmental destruction on the planet

This is a talk I gave at the Volunteer Selection Program

If you look at this logically, the CAUSE  is the eating of meat and the EFFECT is the destruction

The purpose of this project is to inform the world, that eating meat, is causing the greatest environmental destruction of the on the planet.

Why do People eat Meat?

They like the taste of meat

People think it is natural to eat meat, it is far from natural;

1      Cattle and prime lambs eat grass, grain or anything else the farmer wants to feed them. What is natural is the grass they eat

2      There is nothing natural with cattle in a feed lot, or in US in what they call a factory farm. 99% of farm animals in the US are raised in factory farms


1     tell their clients that meat is a good source of protein, iron and vitamin B12, they do not tell them what other food is a good source

2      they also do not tell them what harm eating meat can do to their bodies


1    meat is readily available

2    there is no cost

3     they eat what they produce


Cultural and Religious Reasons

1    Some religions have special days, when it is traditional to eat certain foods, that includes meat

2     Feasts e.g. birthdays, celebrations, Christmas, Easter

3     People are now wanting larger servings and more marbling in their meat, thus causing more stress to the animals as they are forced to eat food that is not their natural grass diet. The stress caused at the abattoir often results in, what is called, black meat. This meat is unable to be used for human consumption and goes into blood and bone products

Why do You Eat Meat?


In Australia every time you sell an animal, there is a Levi you pay to the Meat and Livestock Organisation, a portion of which is paid to advertising of the product.

In America the Cow Lobby is one of the most powerful groups influencing the Government


In Europe and other countries, grazers are paid to produce animals for meat consumption


How Much do People Know and Do They Care?

Most consumers of fish and salmon know that they are farmed. The fish are fed waste animal products or fish and other creatures, dragged from the bottom of the sea, causing unbelievable damage and the area may never regenerate

In developing countries, where most people, ate very little meat or none at all in their diet, are now wanting, as they call it, real protein. It is regarded as a status symbol for those that have more wealth

This goes to show how entitled people feel. They do not care that they are killing animals, that animals have a spirit body, that animals go through great pain, fear and suffering. Does the consumer of  meat ever think or do they just want what they want. Do these people not care if the world is being destroyed, or maybe, they just need to be shown what is occurring to the planet and be willing to change

I grew up on the land and was grazing animals and ate meat all my life. I did not ever think I was destroying the land or even wonder what damage I was doing to the animals. I did get messages at times, God is always trying to see the sin we have, and sold all the cattle and just had sheep for fine wool production but it was not until I heard about Divine Truth that I stopped eating meat and grazing animals. All animals that are born on the property, unless they died on the property, went to an abattoir


The Damage that Eating Meat is Causing the Planet

Has anyone here seen any hoofed native Australian animals? The reason why no one has, is  Australia has very fragile soils, when hoofed animals are introduced on these soils, the soil will be compacted and not be able to absorb water when it rains, water rushes to the gullies causing erosion  and the land is also destroyed with the top soil being carried away in the fast moving water. God in her Great Wisdom knew and man has denied and done what man wanted to do

Cattle also trample the banks of water courses, causing erosion of the banks and contaminating the water,  the riparian areas are destroyed

Billabong, talked about by early white settlers of NSW and Victoria, were destroyed by sheep and cattle. These were lost very early after colonisation by Europeans

Much of the land throughout the world has already been destroyed, even whole countries have been gradually turned into deserts. Because of lack rainfall in Southern Spain and if the lack keeps happening for a few more years, scientists believe it will turn into desert

Because it does not happen overnight, we tend not to notice and often the next generation, to take ownership, does not know what the land looked like so, the destruction continues

When whole hectares are cleared for grazing animals, there is no protection from the sun, the wind, or heavy rain

The rain then washes away any viable seeds

Erosions will then occur, gradually taking the top soil away and the once fertile country  will turn into wasteland

Clearing of forests causes droughts and causes changes in the water table thus causing salinity

Clearing forests and bush land for animal industries results in habit loss throughout Australia, which is the major cause of wild life species becoming threatened, endangered and extinct

Cattle, grazing on the land,  especially in a drought, will eat the grass down as far as possible. Each time this happens the plant becomes weaker and weaker and will eventually die, it has lost the energy to keep growing

It is interesting to look at the earlier aerial maps of Australia and aerial maps taken today. You can see the difference in the amount of vegetation that is on the earlier maps and how little is left on the most resent maps. Much of the clearing had already begun before the photos had even been taken. The most noticeable maps to look at are northern Queensland, where much clearing is still occurring

Australia is clearing more land than any other developed country, and is high up in the list with all developing countries. These areas are usually being cleared for the production of livestock

A few Interesting Facts

A cow has 4 stomachs, I won’t go into the digestive process, but methane is produced during digestive process.

Methane is one of the destructive gases causing climate change.

Methane produced by animals is much more dangerous in the short term than CO2, over a 20-year time frame, methane has a worming potential at least 72 times that of carbon dioxide. 1

Animals raised for food in Australia produce about 3 megatons of methane annually. Multiply this figure by 72 and you get a worming equivalent to 216 megatons of Co2.1

The annual output of all Australia put together totals 180 megatons of carbon dioxide1

Over 60% of global human- caused greenhouse gasses, or at least 36.6 billion tons of carbon dioxide equivalent annual emissions can be attributed to live stock and their bi-products. This is taking into account their direct emissions as well as their fuel consumption and energy use in production1

Grazing animals take up nearly 60% of the Australian continent1

Australia is the driest inhabited country on earth1

It takes between 50,000 and 100,000 litres of water to produce 1kilogram of beef compared to only 2,500 litres of water to produce 1 Kilogram of white rice and much less for most fruit and vegetables1

In Victoria, 77% of agricultural water is used for pasture and hay production for grazing animals raised for meat and dairy products. In comparison only 10% is used for the production of fruit and vegetables for human consumption1

According to the CSIRO and the University of Sydney a massive 92%of all land degradation in Australia is caused by animal industries. Plant agriculture, mining, forestry, manufacturing, residential building and all other industries account for the small remainder1


How can we change how people feel about their entitlements?

We need to explain to the consumers of meat, that if they stopped eating animals and fish, farmers would grow something else, such as pulses, fruit or vegetables there are many other occupations the owners of the farm could do e.g. many forms of education

Farmers that wish to remain on their land, we could show them how to regenerate the land. Tourism in Australia is growing at at a fast rate. Grey Nomads, as they are called in Australia, are always looking for places to stay in their caravans and new and interesting things to see. It would be very exciting to see land being regenerated back to its natural condition

Governments could pay farmers for the amount of carbon that is requested on their property


Short term goals is to inform the world that eating meat is destroying the world

Gather as much information that is available to prove what is occurring

Are there other organisations that have the same purpose as we do

Find out what organisations information may present to, such as Land care Groups, Service Clubs E.g. Rotary, Quota, others and Schools

Talk to scientist and others who may have other information that we have been unable to research such as, due to changes in the weather, rising sea water, where the worst destruction is occurring, how much is due to clearing of the vegetation and forests and therefore eating of meat.

Gather together  maps, photos and videos that are available

Put information on blog spot

Learn how to write and do a power point presentation

Long term goals

Get together all our short-term goals

Write up our presentations for the different organisations that talks can be given to

Do interviews with government organisations such agriculture, mining, climate change and another’s organisations that may listen















Anger and Resistance

For some months I have been very angry about everything and I mean everything.
I can not tell you exactly when it started, but I can tell you why. RESISTANCE.

Since hearing about Divine truth I have found out so much about my very early childhood. My guides have been very kind helping me remember.

I do not wish at the moment to talk about my childhood, I wish to talk about what happens when I am resistant about feeling an emotion. As soon as an emotion comes up I need to feel it.

I have felt much sadness about the way I was treated as a child, but had never really felt the anger because if I was angry I was  punished.  I believe I had every rite to have anger about how my parents treated me, but when it came up I did not want to feel the anger.

As the punishment, from my parents, happened a number of times, I have to feel the grief the same number of times. I need to remember there is anger above fear and fear above grief

I needed to feel the anger but not to project the anger at any one.

I didn’t want to feel the anger because that would take me back to my childhood grief and I didn’t want to go through again the sexual abuse of my father, and violent punishment and the hatred of my mother. I had been through it a number of times, but a number of times is not enough when the emotion has not been fully felt. I feel the same hurt and devastation I felt the first time it happened.

Because of that resistance I began getting angry about everything, a few examples are, I was very , very angry with all men, I have always been angry with men, but this was openly angry.
I was also angry with women.
Events began happening that made me angry, electricians came to do things but they would leave before completing the job and have to come back some time later to finish what they started.

I would order something, after waiting month, I would contact the firm and until they looked in their books they did not remember my order.

Having to go back to the solicitor twice because things weren’t written up the way I asked them to be.

I could keep on going about many other things that occurred and I assure you there were many more.

I, at last, began trying to work out what was wrong. I believe that God, by the Law of Attraction, was trying to tell me something. I have always been a bit slow at working things out and listening to messages, even things people tell me.

Now, after feeling a little of my anger and grief, things have begun to change. Two examples are. The grey water pump would not pump away water, the plumber was here within 2 hours. The solicitors office rang to tell me everything was ready for me to sign.

The biggest thing is I feel the anger going away. Now I do not so angry about what is going on in my life. Things that are happening, that before I was getting angry about, are not making me angry.

So, I have now found that not feeling an emotion causes untold problems for the all the things that occur in my life, nothing runs smoothly if I resist my emotion.

I still have much more to feel about my childhood, but I know now no matter where I am and an emotion comes up I need to feel it then and not put it off.

As Jesus has told us we need to feel all of our emotions.

My parents, even if they have repented for what they did to me, can’t remove the hurt I feel. I have stored the emotion in myself and I have to remove it. The only way I can do this is by feeling the emotion myself and as many times as it is necessary, until it is all gone and I do not feel the emotion any more.

I have also found if I am angry and resistant I cannot forgive the person who harmed me. There is no point even trying to forgive.

Failed Experiment

Nothing we ever do is really a failed experiment, it may not work the way we wanted it to or the way we expected it to but we always learn something.

I wanted to see if vegetables would grow more quickly, use less water, and be more healthy if grown in soil that composting worms had composted or rather decomposed.

So I dug a hole and put some lucerne hay and some manure in the bottom of it…… photo upper left… top of page. Next some scraps that Tristan dropped off from the scrap run. photo…… upper right….. Worms were then added and lime spread over the top to prevent it smelling. Another layer of hay and manure ……lower left…..And last of all cardboard on top. I then left it for a few weeks.

When I took the cardboard off, the scrapes were gone, I could only find one worm, and it was very hot inside the hole, then a rat jumped out. I got a fright, as I was kneeling on the ground, so did not see if it was a native rat or an introduced one.

So some of the things I learnt were:

If you construct something that is warm, covered from the elements, has food near by, and all the comforts of a home, something will occupy it.

Composting occurs very quickly. I do not know how to how to prevent composting. Decomposing takes longer but is better than composting because the heat in the compost destroys all the good microbes in the soil, there for composted soil has no life.

All is not lost, I still have a vegetable garden. I will just add in some of the soil I removed, put in some soil other composting worms have made, then plant some vegetables.





The change in Australian Landscape by clearing of the vegetation

Australia was claimed by England in 1770 with the so-called discovery of the Great Southern Land by Captain James Cook. The land was said to be uninhabited even though fires were recorded as being seen right up the east coast. The environment was being managed by the people who had lived on the land for many thousands of years, and knew how, probably after many mistakes, how to live in this fragile environment.

Australia was set up as a penal colony in 1788, so to begin with only the 1000 people, between 700 and 800 convicts a retired naval officer in command and 160 mariners for defence. Free settlers, a few, began arriving in 1793.

The first land grants were made in New South Wales in1787. The Governor was authorised to make grants only to liberated prisoners and to each unmarried man was not to exceed 30 acres. In 1798 this was extended to free migrants and to marines serving in NSW, the maximum grant was not to exceed 100acres. In many cases these grants were made conditional upon a proportion of the land being cultivated.

In 1834 much of the land in NSW had been surveyed. A rush of people began settling these areas, they were known as squatters. The person I called my father descended from a squatter family.  Huge areas of forest and scrub were cleared for pasture and crops along the coast and inland. By 1860, after 70 years, there were 1.2 million acres under crop and 25 million head of livestock.

Clearing along river banks was forbidden but ignored, the same as it is being ignored to-day along the rivers emptying into the Great Barrier Reef. In 1948 because of clearing along river banks and over grazing in the Hunter Valley it was estimated soil loss from erosion was765,000 cubic meters annually.

With the Soldier Settler Farming schemes, because of caveat and lease requirements, in NSW, Queensland and Victoria, hundreds and thousands of hectares of trees were ring-barked and burnt. These areas then lost the bird and wild life. It is estimated that because of the loss of biodiversity 45% of woodland birds were lost.

Bush Heritage Australia says about 90% of native vegetation in the eastern temperate zone has been removed for agriculture, industry, transport and human habitation. About 50% of the rainforest have been cleared. Up to 2001 around 5% of Australia’s higher plants, 7% of reptiles, 9% of birds, 9% of freshwater fish, 16% of amphibians and 23% of Mammals are listed as Extinct, Endangered or Vulnerable.

The Bush written by Don Watson talks about the first settlers in the Gippsland area of Victoria and how the gigantic trees were fallen and burnt. And how after a paper mill came to the area the destruction caused along the creeks and water ways. Goannas, lizards, wombats, koalas, potoroos, pademelons, tiger cats, quolls, platypuses, gliders, ringtails, echidnas, and how many other species vanished with these remnants of the forest.

In the New England area of NSW where I spent the majority of my life on grazing properties [ I am one of the people who has contributed to the destruction of Australia] I remember the stories told of earlier times how in one area 50,000 koalas were taken for their pelts. These were sent, most likely to England, and if anything like, other skins or pelts sent to England, were not cured properly so were destroyed. The property they came from was open country with trees in nice proportion, this was because the koalas ate many of the small germinated trees that grew. What then occurred was all the small trees grew. In the late 70’s early 80’s these and many large trees were removed by two tractors with a chain between them taking all in its path. We discovered that the rain fall amount had diminished on our property and we estimated our totals had moved 10 miles closer to the east.

I remember my early childhood wandering around the property alone, my favourite place along a small creek with lots of tee tree, wattles, gums and some black berries. It was cool along the creek and I was fascinated by the diversity of life, I discovered how tadpoles grew into frogs, how dragon flies could touch the water and then fly off again, how many different spiders there where and could not understand why people were afraid of them. I saw my first snake and ells and didn’t know the difference and was not game to ask in case I was prevented from my wanderings.

A few years ago, I was talking to people who now own the property where I grew up and talked about my early exploits. She asked me what creek it was and when I told her, she said that creek only runs now just after rain.

The property where I spent my adult life was the homestead block of one of the first stations squatted on in the area. There were, on most of the country, very old trees the other trees had all been cut down or rung barked many years before. You could see by the sheering shed, the old blacksmith shop and other buildings, how large the trees must have been, as these were all built out of wooden slabs cut from trees on the property. Not many of the old remaining trees seeded and if they did stock ate them so none grew to maturity.

In the year1980 I took over the day to day running of the property and slowly began planting trees and fencing off any remnant vegetation. But I still sprayed paddocks with round-up, killing all the native vegetation, and planting introduced species, thus destroying diversity of the vegetation. Fertiliser was also applied and I discovered it was being looked up in the soil so the soil remained acidic. I still ran beef cattle, I cried when I sent steers, male cattle, to the abattoirs. It took me awhile to realise I was killing God’s creation and sold all the cattle. I didn’t want to cry again and feel what I was doing. I also grew merino sheep for their wool and because it was desired for the type of wool it was there was no trouble selling cull sheep to re-stockers, this I thought was ok, but every animal that does not die on a farm is sent to an abattoir. Exception horses.

It is 13 years since I sold the property and am just really feeling all the harmful destruction I have caused both to the animals and the land and also myself. Why did it take so long? Why didn’t I see earlier the damage and destruction I was causing? How much am I still suppressing my childhood and not feeling? How much am I still not seeing the other things I have done to harm all of God’s creation? How much am I suppressing what others have done to me?

I would just like to say, in my opinion, the reason we are destroying the world, that God created for us to live in, is greed. We want to eat meat, sea food and dairy products. If we didn’t eat these things think of the amount of land that would be left to the environment, for trees to grow, for wildlife to thrive and multiply, for river and creeks to stop silting up and run clear and fresh, for seas and lakes to be filled with life. We can live very well eating vegan. We would need far less land for agriculture, far less doctors, pills and portions. What about the size of the houses we live in, and what they are made of, how much energy are we using to run them?

We need to sit quietly see what we are doing, what we have done in the past, and see if we want to change anything. If we do wish to change, what is it we want to change, how will we do it, and what do we do instead?

If you would like to read any more about land clearing in Australia here are some links:

The Wildness Society Website

Uni NSW Newsroom Website

Bush Heritage Australia Website