I am writing about my childhood today as I need to find a way to really rid myself of the emotional injuries, grief, that I still have have not cried enough about, of the events that happened to me when I was a child, even while I was in utero. What I write may also help others to feel about their upbringing or maybe a parent that has treated their child badly may be able to change.
A little history of my parents
On my birth certificate was the 12/11/1945 the date I was born.My father Norman occupation was a grazier and was 65 years of age. My mother Eileen was 38 years of age. I also had a brother who was 2 1/2 years old when I was born. I found out many many years later that Norman was not my father. My fathers name was Walter. I believe I saw him once when I was 10 years of age.He gave me an Easter egg. It was in a box and I had never seen anything like it.
My father Norman was a year older than my maternal grandfather
After I was born I remained in hospital for some time as my mother went to Sydney to have a lump removed from her breast, it was benign.
We moved from the town I was born in and went to the grazing property that my father owned. I was one year of age on the date we moved. My Mother always blamed me for the move. I believe we moved because of my birth and the gossip it must have caused. The move would have been very difficult for my mother as there was no electricity or modern things such as washing machines, washing was done in a copper and cooking on a wood stove an open fire for warmth, the nearest town was over an hour away on a gravel road.
I believe Walters family wish to look after me. This did not happen, Norman was a pedophile,so he had someone on tap whenever he wanted it. This made my mother very angry and jealous and she hated me and treated me in that way. I never remember her giving me a hug. The first hug I remember was at the railway station when I went to boarding school. That was given probably as the other children were getting hugs from their own parents and she didn’t wish to be different.
MY YOUNG CHILDHOOD.
My father, Norman, raped me when I was three and a half. My brother and I shared the same bedroom and while we were getting dressed I looked over and asked why he was different than I was and wanted to have a better look. My mother heard what was going on, came into the room and began hitting me, I began screaming and my father came in. That is all I remember until my mother cumming into the room, picking me up and I saw my father slumped over underneath the window in the bedroom. My mother had lit the chip heater and had run a bath, she then put me to bed. She must have known what was occurring in the bedroom.
My father never spoke to me after that episode. He became very unwell and died shortly afterwards. My brother and I were in the room when he was dying and we had were told when you die you go to a beautiful place. I became excited and my mother tossed me out of the room. I mast have hit the wall on the other side of the hall and knocked myself out. I was lying down and when she came out of the room my father had died in, passed me she kicked me and said get up.
Mother blamed me for his death and my life become a living hell. My brother would rescue me from our mother and as she adored him she was not happy and sent him to boarding school when he was six years old.
In my fathers will the property was left to my brother and I and my mother was to receive the profits after the cost of running of the property.I wont mention the firm that my father left in control of the property they did a very bad job and there were no profits after they took their share and costs of running the property. For my mother to receive any money for herself and to bring up my brother and myself she had to take us to court. I remember being terrified of the barristers with their robes and wigs and they all wanted to come and talk to me. The result of the court case was 3,000 acres of the property were sold and invested by the trustees so my mother received an income.
My mother still blamed me for anything and everything that happened in her life and I believed she then began to plan how to kill me. She did things like putting me under the house, pushing me down the back steps, she even drove me out in the paddocks, told me to get out of the car and left me there. I do not know how long I was there for until she came back and told me to get in the car.I assume she thought I would wonder off or something would harm me. My mother rarely left the house.
There were two tabby cats that I loved and played with,they were the only things I had to play with. One day my mother got a pillow slip put the cats into it and took us to the laundry. She picked me up and stood me on the copper, filled the tub up with water and put the cats under the water till they died. She then put me in the tub and put my head under the water but for some reason let my head go and too the dead cats away. It was a long way down from the tub and I hurt my knee and could not stand up so crawled out to the back lawn. After that I spent much of time away from the house.
The next and the last time she tried to kill me was I was lying on the hath in front of the kitchen fire and there was a large tub boiling on the stove. My mother had the strap used to sharpen a cut throat razor and was hitting me with it and screaming. The manager of the property must have heard her and came into the house and stopped it. I never screamed when she hit me as she only hit harder. The manager or his wife called at the house frequently after that and encouraged me to go over to their house and play with their small child. after I started school and did my chores around the house I went over to the manages house and he would also call to our house and drive me around the property.
I spent a lot of my time wandering along a creek near the house. I think this is where I developed my love of nature.I especially loved trees and all the small creatures that lived in the creek or close by.
When I went for my walks I never walked alone. Andrew my guide, given to me by God, was always there and I am sure he pointed out many things I may be interested in.
Something changed the way my mother treated me when I was ten years of age. When I came home from school she was ironing and instead of ignoring me she asked what I had done at school. I said just the usual and she replied what is usual. So at age ten I was able to go into the living room when someone called. I learnt what adults talked about and began to know how to talk to them.
Boarding school came when I went into high school. Up till that timeI think it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. the school was in Sydney and only saw my mother in the holidays. My mother treated me well during the holidays. At school we had to write home once a week and my mother wrote to me each week so I knew everything that was happening at home.
Why she hated me and why she changed I do not know. I must ask her when I get to the spirit world.
Because of the way I was treated as a baby and child it has affected my whole life. I spend most of my time alone. I do not trust people. I hate being in crowds so there are many things I do not got to. I love being in nature.I still do have friends some for many years.
Divine Truth has also helped me to be more open and to mix more with people. Although always believing and having God in my life meeting Jesus and Mary has also helped.
Anyone reading this blog and does not know that Jesus and thirteen others have returned to earth. If you wish to know more look up Divine Truth on the net.