For some months I have been very angry about everything and I mean everything.
I can not tell you exactly when it started, but I can tell you why. RESISTANCE.
Since hearing about Divine truth I have found out so much about my very early childhood. My guides have been very kind helping me remember.
I do not wish at the moment to talk about my childhood, I wish to talk about what happens when I am resistant about feeling an emotion. As soon as an emotion comes up I need to feel it.
I have felt much sadness about the way I was treated as a child, but had never really felt the anger because if I was angry I was punished. I believe I had every rite to have anger about how my parents treated me, but when it came up I did not want to feel the anger.
As the punishment, from my parents, happened a number of times, I have to feel the grief the same number of times. I need to remember there is anger above fear and fear above grief
I needed to feel the anger but not to project the anger at any one.
I didn’t want to feel the anger because that would take me back to my childhood grief and I didn’t want to go through again the sexual abuse of my father, and violent punishment and the hatred of my mother. I had been through it a number of times, but a number of times is not enough when the emotion has not been fully felt. I feel the same hurt and devastation I felt the first time it happened.
Because of that resistance I began getting angry about everything, a few examples are, I was very , very angry with all men, I have always been angry with men, but this was openly angry.
I was also angry with women.
Events began happening that made me angry, electricians came to do things but they would leave before completing the job and have to come back some time later to finish what they started.
I would order something, after waiting month, I would contact the firm and until they looked in their books they did not remember my order.
Having to go back to the solicitor twice because things weren’t written up the way I asked them to be.
I could keep on going about many other things that occurred and I assure you there were many more.
I, at last, began trying to work out what was wrong. I believe that God, by the Law of Attraction, was trying to tell me something. I have always been a bit slow at working things out and listening to messages, even things people tell me.
Now, after feeling a little of my anger and grief, things have begun to change. Two examples are. The grey water pump would not pump away water, the plumber was here within 2 hours. The solicitors office rang to tell me everything was ready for me to sign.
The biggest thing is I feel the anger going away. Now I do not so angry about what is going on in my life. Things that are happening, that before I was getting angry about, are not making me angry.
So, I have now found that not feeling an emotion causes untold problems for the all the things that occur in my life, nothing runs smoothly if I resist my emotion.
I still have much more to feel about my childhood, but I know now no matter where I am and an emotion comes up I need to feel it then and not put it off.
As Jesus has told us we need to feel all of our emotions.
My parents, even if they have repented for what they did to me, can’t remove the hurt I feel. I have stored the emotion in myself and I have to remove it. The only way I can do this is by feeling the emotion myself and as many times as it is necessary, until it is all gone and I do not feel the emotion any more.
I have also found if I am angry and resistant I cannot forgive the person who harmed me. There is no point even trying to forgive.